Wednesday, June 21, 2006;
im 2 tired 2 face each dae dats passing by...cuz i noe i'll be facin e world alone alone without anyone special in my life...
i've been wit him 4 3 yrs oredi & im afraid 2 face up 2 e reality as e dae cums...im afraid 2 live without him in my life...im so used 2 him dat its hard 4 me 2 let him go...im unwillin 2....
im still hangin in dis matter...i duno wat 2 do about dis...i cannot get 2 sleep everydae...i kept tinkin of him...our wsit memories 2gether...
y does fate have 2 separate us...? y is he changing 2wards dis relationship...? i seriously duno...i may seem happy physically but deep down in my heart,im teribly sad....
im afraid...im afraid 2 face up e reality...i dare not admit dat our relationship is gonna end...i've been tinking thru about dis, but my evaluation is gona take years....
im confused...i hate 2 face dis in arelationship...i want my relationship 2 b as smooth sailing but i failed 2...
there are bound 2 b misunderstanding here & there....at dis moment,i really miz him so much...met him on last monday oredi...
tho we are lyke complete strangers,i still feel dat i love him so much...i may be his lover 4 3 years but i cannot read exactly his heart...
cuz im not a god...i realli duno wat he expects from me...i've done my very best in this relationship & i tried 2 salvage our love....
but 2 no avail...mayb i failed...im juz like clappin alone...it takes 2 hands 2 clap but im doin it on my own...i feel so down...
oh god...plz geve me e strength 2 face dis as e dae passes...its so hard 4 me 2 face dis cuz i realli love him so much....i hope dat one day his heart opens up 2 realize how good i am 2 him before its too late...
b4 i step out of his life....its e most toughest decision dat i have 2 make...i cant handle dis...i cannot take up e challenge....
e more i tried 2 4get him,e more he appears in my mind...e more i tried not 2 msg or kol him, my fingers are juz itchy 2 do dat....wat muz i do......?????
.: Star Juliet Signing Off :.
1:04 AM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006;
im in skool now doin my project wit my frens...im so puzzled & confused now...i juz feel so down dat i dun feel lyke doin anitink at e moment...
i tink my love life is gonna end...well,i seriously duno...me & my guy are lyke total strangers now...in e eyes of ppl,we are still a couple but deep down in our heart, we noe wat we are facing...
it feels so hard to say 'i suggest we go on our separate ways'...i juz cannot bring myself to say those stuffs from my mouth...im not willing & i dun have enuf courage 2 do dat...
saying 'i love u' mayb an ez task to confess but this...i noe dat im not happy in dis relationship, especially dat he is a changed person now...i duno how long i can b like dis...
its true wat he said...im draggin stuffs...but believe me,its realli hard 4 me 2 sat those words...morever,i am not willing 2 leave him...
but i noe...i have 2 do it...i have 2 pluck up my courage 2 face e reality...oh god...y are u testing me wit a challenge dat i cannot take it...????
it has been a month since dis matter arises...im living in sadness as each dae passed by...i lived each dae knowing dat i still love him & i still wana b wit him...
but i realize dat is all in fantasy...he is not e same "FAIZAL" dat he used 2 be...i never regreted being in love wit him...i never...
i have made a decision...a decision dat i find it so tough...tougher den O level exams...i juz need my full courage 2 face up e reality...
i duno wat is goin 2 b of me if we were 2 b apart...of cuz,my world will be so dark without any light shining...i wud have no special person 2 talk to, 2 pamper & shower me wit love...
wateve it is,i realli miz our swit tymes 2gether...wateve dat may happen, i shall take it in my stride...
i duno wen am i able 2 4get him...i'll alwaes love him tho....
dear...if ur readin dis...i juz wana u 2 noe dat i never blame you 4 changin...& i'll alwaes love u from e bottom of my heart....
.: Star Juliet Signing Off :.
12:16 AM
Wednesday, June 14, 2006;
im in skool now doin my entrepreneurship project wit my team mates...altho dis 2 weeks is a holiday, i still have to make it 2 skool for wateva project dat has not been done...we are done wit e biz writing proposal...left capital market & dis stupid entrepreneurship project only...
i duno wether i'll be mitin my guy later or not...he said dat he will be confirmin wit me 2dae but i still yet 2 hear from him...he's bz drivin maybe...
he has passed his TP drivin yesterdae...im so happy for me...alhamdullilah...i prayed 4 him wit all my heart & hopes dat he can make it...my prayers have been answered...he passed...im so happy 4 him...
things have changed now in our relationship...i duno if wether i shud say dat he is e same faizal i used 2 noe...e old faizal dat i used 2 noe is so romantic & takes great care of our relationship...
but now...since he entered e army...he spending more tyme wit his frens rather den me...i tried 2 understand him & b patient wit him...mayb he's under pressure...
i got a scoldin from him yesterdae...i felt so sad...i juz listen & nodded my head as he said stuffs 2 me...am i in e wrong...?
i went 2 bed at 2 am yesterdae...kept tinkin about wats gonna happen in our relationship...everydae,my pillow will hear out my heart...my pillow will see my tears...my pillow will console me 2 go 2 sleep...
i duno how much longer dis stuffy is gona last...i failed...i failed 2 change him into a better person...i guess i have 2 keep trying...
e feelin is my heart is so hard to take on...
i wonder if i can take it in my stride...
it feels like a knife piercing thru...
its feels like im gona lose sumtink precious in my life...
i feel bad, sad & all those negative feelins...
y...y did dis happen dis wae...???????
.: Star Juliet Signing Off :.
10:58 PM
Sunday, June 11, 2006;
im in my guy's hse now...we are viewing e net 2gether...i juz feel contented 2dae cuz i got 2 mit him 2dae...i juz felt like huggin him...but i got 2 oredi...haha...he's watching me blogging ryte now...
dear.........i realli love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much......i reali do....................muackz......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.: Star Juliet Signing Off :.
4:02 AM
Wednesday, June 07, 2006;
finally....i can afford e tyme 2 blog 2dae...after all e bz daes i had in skool...all those tests,projects...butim not done wit my projects...
3rd year in poly has been e toughest of all...im having my difficulties now...as in catching up wit eternity test & endless projects...im gona turn bonkers at dat...
ok...enuf of skool...! im in e lab now wit my beloved frens...surfin e net 2 delight ourselves...haha...will be finishin skool at 3 2dae...
been feelin disturbed dis daes but im doin quite fine...been tinkin of sum1 & sumtink lately...e feelin is so hard 2 take in my stride...my feelins is unstable...i can laugh at a tyme & smile at another...
ok...im done wit dat...i surrender.....
.: Star Juliet Signing Off :.
10:03 PM